WE SPLIT UP!!!!

It was our last summer hurrah.  And I proposed something politically incorrect, even sexist!   My husband proposed going to Yankee Stadium with our grandson and son-in-law.  I looked at my daughter and granddaughter.  What were we- chopped liver?  I ordered tickets to the Gazillion Bubble Show and we had a girls day.  My granddaughter was picked to go onstage and since she believes she is Elsa, she had no problem pretending that the stage was a winter setting and the the bubbles were snow.

And what kind of girls day does not end with a little shopping spree?

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So what will we do when summer ends and winter comes? I mean Smoothies are great in hot weather…

I came up with the solution:  Silicon Soup!  I will teach Phil to make soup and then he can pour the silica gel into it.  If it is harmless to eat, even though the label says:  “Do Not Eat,” then it must be safer than Botox because I doubt the label on Botox says:  “Harmless to ingest.”

Then Phil can become Silicon Chef and offer nutritious food WITH the added benefit of smoothing out the wrinkles simultaneously.  If my tongue and throat got tight, which they did, I mean just think what it can do the wrinkles!

So who thinks that my husband may have just invented the next big thing?

Maybe he invented Silicone Smoothie?  The next big thing ?  Better than botox?   I will let you know if my face is smoother, firmer, younger looking.  Then you can ask my husband to make Silicon Smoothie for you!

And thanks to my experience, you can drink it without worrying about whether or not you ingested something harmful!

So do I really want to grow old with him?

So my husband made me a protein shake – with a vegan base, cherry juice, almond milk, and blackberries.  If you drink 5 cups of liquid before 11:00 a.m., you are basically ensuring that you will be well hydrated for the day ahead.

I drank a glass, and then went for a second.  I felt the plastic in my mouth.  I took it out and realized that a silica gel pack must have dropped from the vega-based protein into the blender and was now on its way down to my stomach.

I panicked.  I called the 24-hour nurse hotline on my insurance card.  The nurse was not definitive.  She couldn’t tell me if I was ok or not.  She told me to call 911 and have the paramedics check me out.  The packet I showed them said:  “Do not eat” but also  “Contains a Harmless Substance.”  Phil was screaming :  “Don’t let them take you to the hospital.  It will be 6-8 hours before they let you go.”  And no one was telling me if what I swallowed is harmless or poisonous!

Phil got in touch with my daughter who Gooogled it up.  “What happens if you ingest silica pack?”  and the answer:  “ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.”  By that time, the paramedics had gotten in touch with Poison Control and they confirmed I did not need to go to the hospital.

Would you want to grow old with a man that doesn’t notice a silica packet dropping into the blender?

I BOUGHT A RASH GUARD SURFER OUTFIT…

NOT because I am taking on surfing as my next hobby.  No, I bought the outfit so that I will not be so cold in the fall when I continue to exercise in the water.  The lifeguards told me a rash guard will keep me warm and since I am up to doing 50 minutes of exercises in the pool, I want to maintain my ability if I can.  My husband said I look “hot.”  Let’s remember that he is in his mid 70s and is living in his imagination!

5 more books sold!!!

Thank you – whomever you are – for purchasing and reading my book.  If you have had a difficult life, were married, divorced, remarried, if you have now have grandkids, and you are still laughing  – you will relate to the story of my life!  18 % of sales goes to Memorial Sloan Kettering for keeping me alive!

JUST GOT TWO MORE BOOKINGS…

I just got booked to do a book talk (no pun intended) two more times – both in Great Neck.  Will post details as it gets closer.