ADULT CHILDREN has to be an oxymoron.    And it is confusing…very confusing.

A young colleague of mine once joked that her mother would still be breastfeeding her if she could.

You want your children to be independent but you also want them to want to live nearby.  You want your children to be strong but you want to help them.  You want your children to be self reliant but you don’t want them to be too proud to ask for support.

It is tricky.  You love to shower them with things you never had and with support you never got.  But you don’t want to smother them.  You don’t want them to conclude that you don’t believe in them.  But it really gives you pleasure to help.  And you want to be part of their life.  You have so much more experience and they are working and you have the time.  However, when you help, you do not want to be taken advantage of,  abused, or taken for granted.  And you do not want to feel that you ARE the amazon fulfillment center or THE HELP.  But you do want to be appreciated and loved.

A friend of mine answered “Yes” when I asked if we are trying to buy our children’s love.  And I thought – that was refreshingly honest.  I felt happy:  Thank Goodness, I can afford to  buy a piece of my children’s love and Thank Goodness, I cannot afford to buy all of their love!!!