So our geriatric internist sent us blood pressure cuffs and electronic devices that will record our daily blood pressure and send results electronically to our doctor for monitoring. During set up, the machine talks to you like she thinks she is Alexa. So now, we have added b p cuffs – one for each of us, and the electronic computer that monitors and sends the info onto doc, along with the grab bar poles, and the lift assist, and the walker, and the three canes, and the dry mouth lozenges, that now decorate our living room/dining room. It’s beginning to look very geriatric every single day. It’s beginning to look very geriatric every way I turn…
Yes, we are getting geriatric altogether, me, my husband, and our house. We just installed a floor-to-ceiling pole. Not for me to dance on, although one day if I get dementia, I just may. It’s so that my husband can grab onto it in order to get in and out of bed. He is suffering, according to the doctors, from the condition called “deconditioning,” which means his muscles are weak.
When we looked at recliners, we skipped over the ones that catapult you across the room. Sure, it would be easier for my husband but the goal is to strengthen, not weaken the already weakened muscles.
We just ordered a lift assist, a device that is supposed to help me help my husband to lift himself when he gets stuck in a chair.
My husband’s occupational therapist comes up with all these gadgets and devices, devices that make me realize that he is not the only one who needs assistance, that he is not the only one aging.
My pillbox that now occupies our dining room table reminds me that he is not aging alone and all these devices that now reside in my house, are a constant reminder that we are getting old altogether.
It led to new sales and the stats are showing me that in this month alone, over 300 NEW people read my book! Thank you http://www.kindle.com!
It was time to light the Yizkor, or memorial candle. We traditionally light it during the week of shiva, or mourning. We light it at sundown just before we light the four major holiday candles. We also light it on the anniversary of the death of a close member the family. The candle represents the soul. Yizkor is the command verb to remember. It would translate into: “He SHALL remember.” Remembering is imperative in our religion. The candle is meant to burn a full 24 hours.
When our department took our supervisor out to celebrate her retirement, we went to a small, lovely Mexican restaurant. It was late afternoon and the staff began to light the candles on our table. My colleague-friend, Debbi, looked at me and I looked back at her. We were the only ones who understood. We burst out in laughter. We could not hold back as the tears streamed down our cheeks. To be continued tomorrow…
A writer must write but it’s like that old joke – if a tree falls in a forest and no one heard it, did it really fall? If I write and no one responds, did I really write? So your likes and comments ARE WHAT KEEPS ME GOING. MORE IS THERE SEX AFTER SLEEP APNEA ON MONDAY AFTER THE HOLIDAY!
Of course, if basketball is your sport, you know that the professional players all wear mouth guards. Your man can play any position ——— figuratively and literally. In fact his snore guard makes him appear younger, sexier, and more desirable especially if you take your reading glasses off. You are so blind, that without your reading glasses you really cannot tell the difference between a mouthguard and a snore guard, a twenty year old and your husband, a muscular athlete and your old man. So have a beer, and show that team spirit! And bring on your own kind of Miami Heat!
You shake your head. You know for sure now that your bedroom is no longer sexy. Your husband, who has another 20-25 years left is hooked to a machine and appears to be on life support. And indeed, the cpap can save a man’s life!
WHAT DO YOU DO?
Your husband clears his throat. He has heard your mutterings. He does not want you sleeping in the other bedroom even though you know you are headed there. He begs his doctor for an alternative. For starters, his ENT specialist suggests a snore guard.
You husband orders a snore guard on www.feelgood.com. And you wonder about the name of that company.
Well, for starters, you can play Famous Fantasy Football Fuck. In fact, your husband has his old footballs shirt and one from his favorite pro football team. So you can change up your role playing. He can be a sexy, twenty-something, roughing it up in the park, showing you all his moves. Or he can be a pro-player, loaded with money. Either way, he needs his mouth guard.
How do I know? Because I get reports online! For ALL those considering publishing, I would recommend you look into KDP. They are now offering formatting books program and webinars to help you promote. I have ANOTHER book talk beginning mid April in Woodbury, NY. Anyone interested, please message me.
LOOKING FOR IDEAS – LITERARY AGENT, PUBLISHING HOUSE
Do you know a senior who has sleep apnea? Who was told to use a CPAP machine but who hates it?
I wrote a very funny piece: IS THERE SEX AFTER SLEEP APNEA? The piece deals head on with the feelings but it has an uplifting and uproarious conclusion. I found many ways to make your man (and you) feel romantic and sexy about the machine.
I am thinking GRAPHIC NOVEL for seniors. Any ideas?
I came up with the solution: Silicon Soup! I will teach Phil to make soup and then he can pour the silica gel into it. If it is harmless to eat, even though the label says: “Do Not Eat,” then it must be safer than Botox because I doubt the label on Botox says: “Harmless to ingest.”
Then Phil can become Silicon Chef and offer nutritious food WITH the added benefit of smoothing out the wrinkles simultaneously. If my tongue and throat got tight, which they did, I mean just think what it can do the wrinkles!