We go up to the hotel suite.  I tiptoe around the coffee table/ottoman.  I don’t remember exactly when women friends stopped complimenting me and started complimenting my outfits.  But it is different when someone says:  “I can’t get over how well that necklace goes with your outfit,” instead of:  “You look so good today.”

My girlfriend, Shelley, had been a high powered CPA.  She had to dress for work.  She dreamed of the day she would shop at Walmart and Target.  Shelley, I want to call out to the heavens, when you get to be this age, you simply CANNOT buy clothes at Target or Walmart.  You need the most expensive clothes you can possibly afford to pay off on credit.  Your only hope is to wear a two-hundred dollar long sweater that covers but drapes just so over those one-hundred and fifty dollar skinny jeans that stretch so that you are the only one who knows how they fit over all your lumps and bumps.

What you don’t need anymore, is the jewelry!!!  Just when you have the time to bother putting on the necklaces and rings, bracelets and earrings, your fingers cannot manipulate those little hooks.  You need help, and if you are lucky, your spouse is kind enough to go traipsing all over the house to find one of his many pairs of reading glasses, so that he can try to open the clasp and close it before the delicate chain slips through his fingers.

(Which is why I bought the shoes and not the jewelry!)

But, Shelley, what you simply must have – are scarves!  Colorful scarves that go around your neck to help distract from the washed out, beat up, faded look that you wear on your face under all the creams and make up.  Colorful scarves to divert attention away from the tired look in your eye that tells everyone you are past your prime and that you are on the maintenance plan.

Do you know what I mean by the maintenance plan?  “Listen” to me rant and rave about the maintenance plan tomorrow!!!!!