Games Couples Play

We are both lazy and so we decide to dine at the hotel.  They have a lovely outside area and we sit down.  There is a constant parade of people going by.  I follow my husband’s glance.  She may be twenty or thirty.  I can no longer tell. 

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My husband likes to make up stories about the people he sees.  He then believes the story he tells and goes on to ask me questions about the people.  It goes like this:  “ See that couple over there?’’ and he points, totally humiliating me. “He’s a professor at Columbia.  And she is a journalist.  How do you think they can afford the city?”  I answer:  “They live in the one bedroom rent stabilized apartment he moved into when he was in grad school and they chose not to have children.”  “See that guy sitting over there?”  (and my husband points to someone at a nearby table.  Someone who might be staying at this hotel.  Or not.  Because we have no way of knowing short of going up to him and asking.  Because we are making up a life he may or most probably does not have).   “He is here on business.  What do you think he does?”  I look and I have no idea.  “He is a visiting professor.  He is here to talk to other intellectuals.  He is collecting ideas for his book.  It is publish or perish.”  I answer.  “What is he writing about?”  “Economics,” I answer.  “See this couple walking by?”  my husband points.  She is all but four inches away from me.  “He is a trust fund baby,” my husband shakes his head disapprovingly.  “He doesn’t work.”  I say.  “She is studying at Bank Street.  He is an art collector.  They inherited money and they live in a fabulous two bedroom apartment with floor to ceiling glass windows that overlook Riverside Park.  They are on a high floor and they can see straight across the river to New Jersey.”

What kind of games do you play with your spouse?  Do you play real estate and go shopping for homes you know you will never buy?  Do you play yachting where you go look for boats you know you cannot afford?  Do you go to auctions and pretend you are going to buy valuable antiques?  Do you spend time looking for artwork that you wish you could afford the insurance on?

Dressing for the 60s

We go up to the hotel suite.  I tiptoe around the coffee table/ottoman.  I don’t remember exactly when women friends stopped complimenting me and started complimenting my outfits.  But it is different when someone says:  “I can’t get over how well that necklace goes with your outfit,” instead of:  “You look so good today.”

My girlfriend, Shelley, had been a high powered CPA.  She had to dress for work.  She dreamed of the day she would shop at Walmart and Target.  Shelley, I want to call out to the heavens, when you get to be this age, you simply CANNOT buy clothes at Target or Walmart.  You need the most expensive clothes you can possibly afford to pay off on credit.  Your only hope is to wear a two-hundred dollar long sweater that covers but drapes just so over those one-hundred and fifty dollar skinny jeans that stretch so that you are the only one who knows how they fit over all your lumps and bumps.

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What you don’t need anymore, is the jewelry!!!  Just when you have the time to bother putting on the necklaces and rings, bracelets and earrings, your fingers cannot manipulate those little hooks.  You need help, and if you are lucky, your spouse is kind enough to go traipsing all over the house to find one of his many pairs of reading glasses, so that he can try to open the clasp and close it before the delicate chain slips through his fingers.

(Which is why I bought the shoes and not the jewelry!)

But, Shelley, what you simply must have – are scarves!  Colorful scarves that go around your neck to help distract from the washed out, beat up, faded look that you wear on your face under all the creams and make up.  Colorful scarves to divert attention away from the tired look in your eye that tells everyone you are past your prime and that you are on the maintenance plan. scarves-1

Do you know what I mean by the maintenance plan?  “Listen” to me rant and rave about the maintenance plan tomorrow!!!!!